Three Times Charmed

Still truckin' along the Newborn highway!

2010-05-03T20:54:00.002-05:00

Things are going OK lately. Mostly.

I recently had a nasty, nasty stomach virus for a week straight that about knocked me flat on my rear. Evan and Ally had it to a much, much smaller degree thank God.

I had an epiphany when Emily was 4 weeks old. I decided I really, really wanted to at least pump a bottle or two for Emily each day. Just when I thought I had made my peace with formula feeding, I guess I wasn't as OK with it as I thought.

Since then, I've been attempting to relactate. HOLY CRUD... that's some HARD WORK! If I would have just done it when my milk originally came in it would have been a breeze. But since airheaded Jodi decided to wait until 4 WEEKS POSTPARTUM to give her baby breastmilk, it's been a lot more challenging.

Especially after having the flu, it was like starting all over again. I'm only getting about an ounce total per day at the moment. But every time I feed it to her, it makes me feel so good knowing that I'm giving her something I made for her. And knowing that I'm giving her something no one else can.

If I never get any more volume than this, though, I'll have to hang up the pump for good. But I'm definitely going to fight the good fight for a few more weeks at least. I'm currently taking a supplement called More Milk Plus that has fenugreek and blessed thistle in it. I'm also on a drug called Domperidone which is supposed to increase my output. But we'll just have to see.

Emily is my little growing girl. She was a little over 9 pounds at 6 weeks old and about 23 inches long. She started social smiling a couple of weeks ago. OH. MY. GOODNESS. It might be the single most darling thing I've ever seen!!! She gets this huge, ginormous open-mouthed grin when you smile at her or make silly noises. I'm just soaking it all in.

Other than that, last weekend (April 24) was Ally's third birthday!!! I can't believe it!!! Sadly, we had to postpone her party since I was still pretty ill with the flu at the time. Turns out it was a blessing in disguise: we ended up having a tornado warning that afternoon and were huknered down in the basement!

But on May 8, we're going to have a princess party for our little princess girl. Instead of bringing toys (which she does NOT need), I'm having each person bring a different Disney princess costume for her. She only had one costume before (Snow White) and she *loves* playing dress-up in it. I can't wait to see her sweet face at the party!!!

5 weeks 1 day old

2010-04-20T20:44:00.003-05:00

Emily's already a little more than a month old. CRAZY how fast time flies!

She sleeps pretty typically for a newborn, which means she sleeps for about 2 hours (3 if we're super lucky which isn't often) then wakes to be fed/soothed for an hour or more. And that process continues throughout the night. So not terrible - most nights, anyway.

Ally continues to be very, very careless with Emily. She's not even 3 years old yet (she will be in a few days though), so I don't expect her to truly understand it all. But I have found myself snapping at her a lot lately, because she's CONSTANTLY in her face, squeezing her fingers way too tightly, grabbing her, etc, etc... I remind myself constantly to calmly explain how to be gentle with Emily to her. And a lot of the times I do. But she just doesn't seem to care and just goes at Emily full-force still.

Evan continues to dote on his baby sister. He still calls her "his baby" and constantly says, "Mama, she's just so cute!". I am still amazed at how enamored he is with her. I've never seen him be so lovey to anyone before. It's SO heartwarming! Some of his other behavior towards ME is another topic altogether, though. Not something I have the energy to go in to at this point.

Postpartum blues have definitely started to kick in to gear. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed as the lack of sleep continues. It certainly isn't anything like it was when I had Post Partum Depression, thank God. If it gets anywhere NEAR that point I'll be sprinting for the nearest psychiatrist.

I'm too exhausted to type any more updates but will attempt to later on this week. That's all I can manage to share tonight!

Great night last night!

2010-04-06T14:23:00.001-05:00

So Miss Emily finally decided to be nice and give us a break last night! She slept from 10pm until 2:30am and then didn't get back up until 6:30am! WOO HOOOOOOO!!!!! Granted, I woke up like 5 times, checking the video monitor to look at her and make sure she was OK. I would see her move a little in her sleep and then think, "OK, she's gonna wake soon". Then she wouldn't.

I *know* this will rarely happen for now, but I sure do appreciate when it does happen!

Ally had a playdate at home with a little girl her age this morning while Evan was at preschool. She was sooooo excited! My friend Amy came over with her 2 youngest children: Ellia (about 5 mos younger than Ally) and Natalia (14 mos old). Ally kept saying, "I'm gonna play with THE GIRLS!!!". Sooo cute!

She and Ellia played beautifully together, and I can't wait to get them together again soon. Ally desperately needs some little girls to play with & she clearly enjoyed it!

My girl's got some ATTITUDE!

2010-04-01T20:37:00.005-05:00

Tim was taking pictures of Emily RIGHT after she was born, and she promptly flipped him the bird! LMAO!!! If this is a harbinger of things to come, then we may just have out hands full with this little girl! HA! HA!!

Evan & Ally were really excited to come to the hospital and meet their new baby sister. Ally thinks she can be all rough-and-tumble with her (EEK!) and Evan is completely & utterly smitten with her! I've never seen him so sweet and gentle with anyone before; it's so heartwarming! <3

Emily was crying really hard and Evan kept laughing. I asked him, "Honey, why are you laughing? She's crying". He replied with, "She's just so cute when she cries, Mama!". Sooooo sweet!

As far as sleep goes, well, it sucks. It's everything we expected it to be. She sleeps a lot during the day and never wants to be put down to sleep at night. If we let her sleep in our arms at night, she'd probably sleep almost all night. But first of all, I can't sleep like that. Second of all (and most importantly) I'm really afraid she could fall out of my lap or something if I did fall asleep.

Oh well. At least since this is our third child, we knew what to expect. Even though we're terribly sleep deprived & a little more snippy with one another than normal, we're so very very happy that Emily's here with us now. She completes our family and I can't imagine our world without her already.

WOOPS! Apparently having 3 kiddos is eating up all my posting time...

2010-04-01T14:52:00.002-05:00

LOL! Guess I should update my blog since Emily's 2-1/2 weeks old now, huh??? HA! HA!

Well, my induction was scheduled for Mon, Mar 15. They called me early in the morning (around 6am) and we were at the hospital by 7:15am.

They broke my water at 8:30am. Started pitocin at 9am. Checked me around 11:30-noon & reported that I was still at 3cm and 60% effaced (where I was when I arrived!).

They increased the pit a couple of times and by about 2:30pm I was finally at 4cm (still not much of an increase). But all of a sudden my contractions were coming a LOT closer together and MUCH more instense. At that point I received my lovely, lovely epidural. They checked me again at about 4:45pm and I was at 8cm! About 30-40 mins later I was fully dilated, effaced and ready to push. The doc came in and told me to push. I pushed and he said, "NOT SO HARD!!!". So I did one more tiny push and she was OUT!

I wailed and bawled like a fool for a long time. I am soooo overwhelmed and thankful to be blessed with our newest child. She's just beautiful and we're so incredibly in love!!!

Emily Ann was born on Mar 15 at 5:23pm. She was 7lbs 7oz & 20.5 inches long. She's got funny little white blonde peach fuzz hair just like her Mama used to have!

I'll post some pics from when she first arrived soon! And then I'll update the goings-on from the past 2-1/2 weeks after that.

I'm so amazingly thankful for our newest miracle. I thank God for her every day.

38 weeks, 4 days

2010-03-11T20:43:00.004-06:00

Had my '39 week' check up today.

Looks like I've progressed to 3cm dilated... still about 60% effaced. Dr. Super said he's very encouraged by my progress and thinks we should fully expect a smooth induction/delivery on Monday the 15th - *if* I make it that long!!!!

Oh, and Emily has definitely had a major growth spurt. I told my mom that I suspected as much this morning (I've gotten huge all of a sudden). I predicted before my appointment that Emily will be about 7lbs 10oz & 21 inches long. After the ultrasound, it was estimated that she's now 7lbs 9oz. Not a bad guess on my part, eh??? LOL!

I definitely had a labor scare earlier this evening. I seriously & truly thought I was in labor! I kept having major, major pain & contractions. I couldn't get it to stop even after walking around.

But then finally (blissfully) it subsided.

I was really relieved because if it happened right now it would be really stressful to get someone here right away to be with the kids.

If it happens, we'll obviously HAVE to make it work right away. But if we make it to the induction day, I'll be most thankful!

One week from today!!!

2010-03-08T10:38:00.003-06:00

Oh boy... we really are in the home stretch now! One week from today, I will be induced unless Miss Emily has plans of her own before then.

I cannot WAIT!!!!!!!

I slept for literally 3 hours last night because I am all out of comfy sleeping positions. So yeah... it must be about time to wrap this thing up - LOL!

I've been trying to keep myself occupied at all times, to help pass the time. Evan's at preschool right now, but after his nap, his best buddy's going to come over and play with him for a couple of hours. It's finally nice outside, so looks like all of us will be able to go out in the backyard and get some fresh air and SUNSHINE!!!! WOO HOOO!!!!!!

Tomorrow I'm going to surprise Evan and be the Mystery Reader in his classroom. I'll show up around 9am and read a couple of books to his class. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I walk in!! :-)

Wednesday should be a pretty ho-hum kind of day.

Thursday is my final prenatal appointment before the birth. And the way I've been hurting, there is NO WAY that I've had no progress since last week. I'm pretty excited to see where we stand at that point.

Friday Evan doesn't have preschool, so I'll probably just pack the kids up and run some errands to get some stuff I'll need before going to the hospital next Monday.

I told Tim this weekend we need to do as much fun stuff as possible with the kiddos, and go out to dinner as a family. Other than that, I plan on handing the kiddos over to Tim a lot and sleeping as much as I possibly can (given my discomfort) to rest up for the delivery.

It sure does feel good to be talking about these last few days. It means our newest baby girl will be in our ARMS.... SOON!!!

37 weeks 4 days

2010-03-04T16:26:00.001-06:00

I had my '38 week check up' today (even though I'm 37 weeks 4 days).

We've had a little progress since last week. I'm now 2 cm dilated and about 50-60% effaced. So that's something, right???

And it appears that Emily has had a growth spurt (I thought she had, based on my increased size lately) and is now measuring just about EXACTLY right for her gestational age! WOO HOO! Grow, Emily, grow!!!

We're still set for a March 15 induction date. I'm praying I'll be called in some time in the morning rather than waiting around for most of the day. If I get called late in the day I most likely won't deliver until the following day.

But at this rate, we have every reason to expect it will be an uneventful and uncomplicated induction. Dr. Super said if I'm dilated/effaced enough & conditions look favorable enough, I have the option of them simply breaking my water without going straight to pitocin and see how fast I progress. That would be FANTASTIC!!! But if we need the pitocin, I'm OK with that too... as long as I don't need it for too terribly long. I was hoping to avoid pitocin too early in the induction process, so I can hold off on getting the epidural for a little while longer. I had some side effects from the epidural after my last delivery and I'm hoping that having less of it for less time will help out.

Anyhow, I'm still at a good place mentally. I'm glad I've still got a little more than a week to rest up (when I can) and spend some more time with Evan and Ally.

In a better place now...

2010-02-28T19:43:00.002-06:00

Well, the kids are (back) on the road to recovery. And I'm getting to a better place, mentally, for now.

I've trained my brain to count down the last 2 weeks before this baby makes her arrival and I think it's just enough time. I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore, but I also know this is my final pregnancy so I keep reminding myself to ENJOY & CHERISH it as much as possible while I still can. This is the last 2 weeks of my life that I'll ever feel a life inside of me. So even though I can't really sleep, sit, stand, walk or eat comfortably (LOL!!!), I still cherish this angel inside of my belly so very, very much. She is a miracle.

Hopefully Evan will have a full 4-day school week this week so we can have some semblance of normalcy for a short while.

Oh, and I'm also glad I'm having the baby when I am (on Mar 15) because it means Tim will be home while Evan's off of school for Spring Break the following week! That worked out SO well. This way, the 'big kids' can go out and do some fun stuff with Daddy that week instead of being cooped up in the house with Mama and Baby Sister.

SOOOOOOOOO burned out

2010-02-26T16:35:00.002-06:00

Sorry, it seems a lot of my posts have been rather on the negative side lately.

I'm still struggling with this funk I've been in. Add the fact that I live in a Germ Cesspool apparently, and you've got a recipe for disaster.

I don't understand - I keep a pretty clean household. We wash hands. We cover our mouths when we sneeze and cough (well, the kids do sometimes). And yet, someone has been ill in this house almost 100% of the time that I've been pregnant. When I'm not struggling to get myself well, I'm taking care of someone else who's sick. I can't take it any more! ENOUGH!!!! This has been the most hellish cold/flu season ever.

I'm longing for warmer weather. For fresh air. To go out in the backyard and let the kids play and run. We're all completely in the Winter Doldrums & we all need a change of scenery. I feel terrible that I haven't taken the kids many places to play outside of the house in a while. But someone's always sick, darn it! I can't bring a sick kid to a public place or a kid's house to play. And I can't bring them both somewhere when I'm sick either. What gives????

WHEW. Sorry... had to get all of that off my chest.

On a completely stupid but happy note, I just ordered myself a brand new diaper bag that R-O-C-K-S. I needed a serious pick-me-up & a new bag will always do it for me! LOL! Tim's eyes are going to roll back so far in his head they might just fall out. Ha! Ha! He just doesn't understand how some women love their bags.

I don't wear fancy clothes, I don't wear fancy shoes, I'm not a fancy person. But I *love* a good, nice bag! It's my vice, what can I say? ;-)

On to happy baby thoughts: Emily will be here in 2 weeks and 2-1/2 days!!!!!!! I can't wait to have several days of having Daddy home while we all enjoy our newest blessing! I have a feeling Ally's going to be a pretty clingy girl for a while after Miss Emily arrives, though. Ally is Mama's Girl & she isn't terribly fond of sharing me. But she also ADORES babies, so I'm hoping that will help a little tiny bit! I'm hopeful that Evan will handle it OK... he's a little older now, and I'm hoping he won't see the baby as too much competition.

For some reason, I've had this secret feeling that Emily will be my one baby who decides to come all on her own before the induction. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. But I've just had a nagging suspicion. Although if she did come spontaneously, it would be NUTS to get someone over here right away to take care of the kids. So actually, induction's a great option in our case.

37 week check-up

2010-02-25T12:10:00.003-06:00

Well, technically, I'm 36 weeks 4 days today. But the appointment was considered my 37 weeker.

They didn't measure her size during the ultrasound, so I guess since they're not concerned about it then I won't be either! My fluid levels were great and her heart rate was wonderful, too!

I'm barely 1 cm dilated right now, which is normal and fine. Nothing to write home about, but you gotta start somewhere!

Looks like the induction will be scheduled for Monday, March 15. I'll be 39 weeks 1 day at that point. They're very confident that my cervix will be favorable by that time. I think it will be too, since I was induced at 38 weeks 4 days with Ally & it was smooth sailing. At 36 weeks with Ally, I was 1cm dilated so this time seems to be about on par.

Ally is so funny: a little while ago, she was pushing on my belly & starting at my belly button while yelling, "She's comin' out, Mama! She's comin' out!!" LOL! Somehow she's decided the baby will emerge from my belly button... hee hee! Then this morning, she lifted my shirt, shined a flashlight into my belly button & said, "Awwww, what a cute little baby!". That girl cracks me up.

I'm extremely tired, but that's to be expected. Last night I had the biggest emotional meltdown I've had in a LOOOOOOOOONG time. I flew off the handle and was bawling like a baby. Not really even sure why, except that the kids kept making messes faster than I could clean them up all day long and I was BEYOND exhausted. Luckily, Tim was home from work at the time of my meltdown so he ordered me to our room to chill out while he took care of dinner clean-up and the kids.

So we're at 2 weeks 4 days to go! In 'normal people' time that's NO TIME AT ALL! In pregnant people time, it might as well be 2 decades from now. But in the big picture, I know she'll be here soon and I couldn't be more excited to meet our newest miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trying to hang in there

2010-02-19T08:24:00.006-06:00

I'm 35 weeks 5 days today. SOOOOO close, yet so far away. I'm at that point of pregnancy where emotions run painfully high, and reason has gone out the window.

Had my 36 week check-up/ultrasound/NST yesterday. Emily's still measuring small: 25th percentile. By far, she's been my smallest child. I wish her size translated in to my being more comfortable, but it doesn't. The good news is that her heartrate is good, my fluid levels are good and the NST was good!!!

So, I mentioned to Dr. Super that I would prefer to be in the hospital over a weekend if possible when I get induced. Besides the fact that it will mean I'll have more help from Tim at home if we do that, I have some real concerns about childcare (long, drawn-out explanation that I won't get in to). And if we do it over a weekend, I would have more eyes to watch the kids. He said, "Don't worry, Jodi... we'll make it happen." And the tentative plan when I left the office was to induce on Friday, March 12. I was SOOOOO relieved and was on Cloud 9!

So then he calls me several hours later and says he's only on call on Mondays in March. So that's my only option for induction if I want Dr. Super to be the one delivering Emily (I do). So now, instead of having 10 working days of help at home with Tim, I'll be looking at 6-7 days of help. THAT SUCKS.... no way around it. I swear, people think when you have subsequent children you need less help, because you know how to care for an infant.

WRONG.

Having another child didn't magically make me sprout a second set of hands or clone myself. I have a lot more to do now. I'm not complaining per se; this *IS* what I wanted!!! But I would like some extra support at first, while I'm recovering from delivery & adjusting to our "new normal".

Sadly, my mom and mother-in-law aren't much help. They can't get down and play with Evan & Ally. They groan whenever they have to lean over to change their diapers, climb in bed to read them books, or change their clothes.

And put simply, Tim is the breadwinner. So he needs to get back to work in a decent amount of time. I totally understand that. When he's home, he is the MOST hands-on Dad ever. He plays with his children, he cares WELL for his children and is fantastic. But it's not fair to him to ask too much of him while he's trying to put food on the table, either. He can't be all things to all people. I'm very blessed to have him.

I'm mainly just stressing out about every little thing these days.

I'm having trouble sleeping well, I tire out very easily and the kids (rightfully so) need a LOT of me. The thought of being pregnant for 3-1/2 more weeks makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I'm not naive enough to believe it'll be any EASIER when Emily's here. It will be much, much more difficult to function on a lot less sleep. I'll be sore. I'll be completely hormonal (moreso than now). But there's something about just KNOWING that she's here and we can start to carve out a new sense of normalcy that gives me some peace. Even if it's complete chaos at first (and it will be)... I'll know we're actively moving on a path to being a complete family that's already had their last child, and we can create a new sense of who we are as a family. I don't even know if any of this rambling makes any sense, but there you have it.

I'm ready to have my baby girl, hold her, love her & cuddle her. I'm ready as I'll ever be for the sleepless nights, the long crying spells (hers and mine - LOL!) & everything else that having a newborn entails.

I'm just eager to SEE her, smell her, stroke her petal-soft cheek & be entranced by her tiny, perfect fingers and toes. I'm so incredibly blessed to be having another healthy child. That's the bottom line that I need to keep reminding myself of. Hormones are running high, though.

Pray for us!

It's getting closer, but still seems so far away....

2010-01-31T14:09:00.002-06:00

...delivery, that is.

For a few days there, I was getting in a bit of a funk. I'm uncomfortable & it's getting harder each day to keep up with Evan and Ally. I know Miss Emily is NOT ready to come out yet (she shouldn't be!) but I'm just mentally ready for her.

But then I decided that I needed to take a step back & just enjoy life with just 2 children while it lasts. Yes, I'm uncomfortable. But at least I can fully focus on my 2 older kiddos 100%, without caring for a newborn at the moment.

Since I've taken on this new attitude, I've actually seen their behaviors improve somewhat. They sense that I'm more relaxed, so therefore they seem more relaxed as well.

So as much as my body feels worn out, I'm going to enjoy Evan & Ally as much as possible in these last 6 weeks before Emily makes her grand arrival. They deserve all of that and more.

One funny thing is that they both keep asking me if Emily's coming out of my belly yet. If they keep asking me this on a daily basis, it WILL make this last stretch of time go on forever, that's for sure!!! LOL!

Oh boy - I'm not very good at posting often!

2010-01-21T21:12:00.002-06:00

Well, as of today I am 31 weeks 4 days pregnant. I can't believe it!

Baby Emily is growing quite a bit in there; she's resting squarely on my pelvic bone, which is less than comfortable.

I went to the OB today because I've been having 'issues' (I won't go into detail). Turns out I have an infection - gotta love it. At least it explains the pain/discomfort/Braxton Hicks I've been having. Hopefully now that I have medication, it'll clear up in the next week or so.

Other than that, Evan & Ally have been in rare form lately. I think they have midnight meetings behind my back, to plot the next days' misadventures - LOL! They have had me HOPPING lately. And not in a good way.

Evan is throwing complete tantrums all the time lately. I have tried & tried to keep my cool but believe me - it does NOT always work. I recently read a great book, though, called 'How to Talk So Kids Listen, How to Listen So Kids Talk'. It has given me some useful tools to use while trying to get through to him. Just like anything in life, it doesn't always work, but at least it's a more reasonable approach to dealing with tyrant-like behavior besides constantly putting him in time out or simply yelling at him (useless).

Ally is just plain whiney and easily cries; mainly when Evan messes with her - which is a LOT. And the 2 of them just feed off of each other, too. I know this is totally normal; I remember it from when I was little and did it, too.

If Evan gargles his milk at the table, then Ally laughs and does it, too. Then they're both laughing and misbehaving and LOVING it! That's just one small example, but you get the idea.

I have no idea how I'm supposed to be able to juggle all of this once I have a newborn. But I figure there are millions of other women who have done it before, so if they can do it then SO CAN I! (I hope!) ;-)

Emily's room is ready - now we just need a baby to go with it!

2009-12-26T18:52:00.004-06:00

Well, her room's pretty much DONE (except me cleaning some more of my scrapbooking stuff out of the closet).

Here's pics!

Nursery's almost complete!!

2009-12-21T20:31:00.003-06:00

Well, I'm definitely a Type A personality... I'm not due until mid-March, and the nursery's about COMPLETE! LOL! It looks so completely awesome!!! I'll post pics of it after Christmas when I move the recliner in to her room so it's totally complete.

I'm so proud of myself; I did EVERY part of it myself (by choice - I love doing this!). I put up the drapery rods/drapes. I put the crib together (probably a no-no, but I did it on the sly while Tim was at work - LOL!). I picked out, purchased, and put everything in there together. And it looks divine! I decided not to go with too much pink (just hints of it throughout the bedding and room) since Ally's room is already so pink. I didn't want half of our upstairs to look like someone puked up Pepto Bismol! :-)

The walls were already a great color so I didn't need to paint (bonus!) - they're a warm yellow. And the bedding is mainly sage greens, blues, some yellows and hints of pink. The drapes are sage green. I found a lady on etsy who paints (and then prints) pictures that match Pottery Barn Kids bedding sets. I found one with trees, birds and owls on it (the PBK collection that I have) and ordered the prints. They were SUPER cheap. Then I got some nice white frames from Michael's (half off! yay!). I still wasn't liking the frames, so then I got some pink grosgrain ribbon and made a horizontal stripe at the top and bottom of the thick white picture frames and BAM! They look expensive and polished! Since a girl NEEDS to have her pink, I also got a cute, cheap pink side table from Target to put beside the recliner. And I got a pink flower wall light to put next to the changing table for late-night changings. We had these same Ikea flower wall lights in Ally's room and they're FABULOUS! Just enough light to do what you need to at night. And a GREAT Ikea price!

Other than that....

ALL of us have been well for a couple of weeks now!!!! HALLELUJAH!!! Evan's off of preschool for a couple of weeks for Christmas break, so I've been trying to keep the kids as entertained as possible with fun Christmasy projects/crafts. If Evan gets too bored, it spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E really fast! He was in time out about 6 times today alone; it's gonna be a looooong couple of weeks! (insert dramatic eye roll here)

Even so, I am very much looking forward to Christmas. The kids will get LOADS of stuff from Tim & I (and Santa) but luckily not too much from other family members, which is fine by me. We now draw names among the kiddos in my family, because there are just too many to buy for otherwise. I'm hosting my family's Christmas at my house this year, but it'll be a small gathering because my brother Steve, his wife and his kids aren't able to be in town. My brother Jeff, his wife & their 3 kids aren't coming because... well... that's a whole other story. LOL! So basically, it'll be me, Tim, our kids, my mom, my step-dad, my sister, her husband and her 4 kids. And that's it! For my family, that's a pretty small gathering. Then on Sunday after Christmas (when Tim's sister and brother and their families are in town) we'll head down to his parents' house to celebrate Tim's side of the family. I always look forward to that.

WOW, I need to catch up!

2009-12-07T21:36:00.002-06:00

I haven't posted here in a loooong time! Our household has been plagued by one illness after another for so long that I've been completely overwhelmed.

I'm praying that things are going to settle back in to some semblance of normalcy soon.

Anyhow, I went for an elective 3D/4D ultrasound a week ago & WOW!!! It was so amazing!!! I was able to see Emily nonstop for about 25 minutes and what a precious gift that was! She was sleeping - or trying to - most of the time. She kept putting her hands and arms over her face as if to say, "HEY! Can't a girl get some sleep around here???"

She already seems to have Ally's features, from what I can tell. Her cheeks are a little round and she's got my side of the family's round nose. It was such a treat!

They made a DVD out of the session, and I played it when I got home. Ally kept asking to watch the "Baby Emily Show"!! LOL!!

I've been making a lot of progress on her room. I was lucky and didn't have to paint the room a different color than it already was, because it matched the bedding really well - WOO HOO! I'll post pics of the nursery at a later date.

Tonight, when I (literally) had 3 minutes to myself, I went in to her room, shut the door and just stood there imagining what it will be like to have a new baby again. I'm feeling pretty blissed-out thinking about it at the moment! I know the reality of it all is H-A-R-D and treacherous at times. But the bottom line is that this is what we've wanted. This is our final child, that we've been SO incredibly blessed with. And I can't wait to hold my precious baby in my arms.

Where to begin???

2009-11-18T14:31:00.002-06:00

OK, so our little weekend vacation didn't really turn out as we originally planned.

We originally planned to go out of town on the first weekend in November after our anniversary. My Mother-in-law ended up being sick, so we had to cancel the weekend. Luckily, the Bed & Breakfast had the same suite available the following weekend, so we booked it.

Then on Thursday (the day before we were supposed to leave) Evan spiked a really high fever. So - again - we canceled our weekend. I cried and cried and cried.

Then on Friday he was FINE with no fever and no symptoms all day long even without medication. Soooooo... we called the B&B back and made reservations for Sat night & Sun night (instead of Fri & Sat).

My MIL needed to get her hair done and do some other stuff on Sat morning, so we didn't even leave the house for quite a while on Saturday. We didn't arrive at the B&B until 5pm that evening. Just enough time to drive in to downtown Branson, walk around, get dinner & grab some ice cream.

On Sunday we had a fun morning of shopping at the outlet malls. Later we took a nap & then went out for dinner. NOW it was beginning to feel like vacation! So I was looking forward to spending most of the day on Monday chilling out before going home, too.

On Sunday night while we were standing in line to go to a movie, my MIL calls to say Evan's spiked a fever & is acting lethargic again. She puts him on the phone and cries, "You need to come HOME, Mama!!!".

Oh. My. God. You may as well have ripped my heart straight out of my chest.

At that point it was way too late in the evening to drive all the way home (3-1/2 hour drive) in the pouring rain.

So Tim & I got up at the crack of dawn on Monday morning & were on the road by 7am.

Then, just outside of Springfield (not long after we left Branson) we stopped to get some McDonald's for breakfast. We got back in the car to start it, and all of a sudden there was a LOUD squealing sound coming from the engine & then Tim couldn't hardly steer anymore!!!

So we immediately pulled back in to a parking place. We turned the car off & then started it again. Then we heard a very loud *CLUNK!!*. Sounded like something fell OUT of the engine!!!

I called my step-dad who's a mechanic to see if he had any idea what it was. He said it sounded like a broken drive belt. HMMM... we JUST HAD the drive belts REPLACED by a shop less than a week before we went on vacation!!!

Called AAA, waited FOREVER for a tow truck to arrive. The guy looked in the engine and said, "Yep, it's a broken drive belt; and it looks like a bolt CAME OFF!". Our only timely option at that point was to ride in the tow truck while it hauled our car all the way back to St. Louis.

So a 3-1/2 hour trip ended up taking 7 hours.

**SIGH**

Got home, took care of Evan. Then that night Ally spiked a fever and thew up.

I give up.

What's new lately

2009-10-29T15:10:00.002-05:00

The main thing we've been dealing with lately is all of us recently having a stomach bug. NOT FUN! Poor Ally is still battling some serious diaper messes/rashes.

Other than that, Evan & Ally are really, really looking forward to Trick Or Treating on Saturday! Ally is going to be Abby Cadabby and Evan will be a muscular Superman. They got a taste of Trick Or Treating last weekend when we went to Trunk or Treat at the YMCA. Evan now remembers why Halloween is so cool: C-A-N-D-Y!!!!!

I can't believe in one more week Tim & I will be going out of town BY OURSELVES for the first time ever. It's just for the weekend, but as it draws closer, I'm getting more and more nervous about it. I've never given up this much control before, when it comes to my kids. I *pray* that they'll be good for Grandma & Grandpa.

IT'S A GIRL!!!

2009-10-16T17:03:00.003-05:00

Well, we *finally* had the 'big ultrasound' today!!!!

I was bawling almost from the moment it began; even before they told us the gender. Every time she told us that some part of the baby looked perfect, I cried harder & harder. I just can't believe how fortunate I feel to have a healthy, beautiful baby again. How amazing. What a miracle!!!

I have to say, I was utterly surprised to NOT see boy parts on there! I truly felt like it was a boy. But then again, I was wrong on my guesses for Evan and Ally as well. So much for Mother's intuition, right? LOL!

They made me a CD of all of the pics, which was really special. I'll post a few of the pics later on.

Right now I'm just riding on a cloud. I'm so incredibly thrilled and blessed!!!

Oh, and we're 99.9% sure we want to name her Emily Ann. We just love the name Emily. And Ann was my Aunt Darlene's middle name. She grew up in the same house as me since I was 5 years old (she had brain damage) & she was such a special part of my life. Sadly, Aunt Darlene passed away quite suddenly from a heart attack 3 years ago. Hopefully she's smiling down from Heaven right now.

Tomorrow at this time...

2009-10-15T14:54:00.001-05:00

We'll know how our family will be rounded out. I'm feeling so overjoyed!!! And now that I'm this close to knowing one way or the other, my heart assures me that I truly will be SOOOOOOO grateful no matter what.

I am SO lucky. SO fortunate. SO thankful. This baby is such a gift.

After all the pain that we endured with our prior miscarriages, I can't believe that we're here now. Learning the gender of our LAST child. Our THIRD child!!! I'm in tears just typing this. Thank you, God, for this amazing gift.

If it's a boy or if it's a girl...

2009-10-13T20:23:00.002-05:00

IF IT'S A BOY:
I can imagine my littlest man following his big brother around like a puppy dog. I pray that he's not effected by autism in any way. I imagine another little boy that is as simply STUNNING as Evan is.

IF IT'S A GIRL:
I can imagine my littlest girl thinking her big sister might be the coolest girl on Earth. I imagine another girly-girl that loves to dance & sing. I imagine her & her big sister sharing a room with bunk beds when they get older.

EITHER WAY:
I wish this child to be as naturally joyful as Ally & as naturally brilliant as Evan. I wish this child to be loved & protected by it's older brother & sister. I wish this child to be as genuine, good-hearted, kind and selfless as it's Daddy. I wish this child to be healthy.

MOST OF ALL:
I thank God every single day for all of my children, including this precious one I carry inside of me. I can't ever put in to words how blessed I feel to have the life that I do.

My first belly pic

2009-10-12T09:26:00.002-05:00

OK, I finally broke down and took a belly pic. BTW: it's not easy to take a pic of your own belly when you're the one holding the camera! LOL! This is 17 weeks 1 day:

One week from today...

2009-10-09T20:11:00.001-05:00

...we'll know what the gender of Baby #3 is! I can't believe it!

I still have strong 'boy' feelings. I can't shake it. So that's gonna be my call this time.

Anyone wanna comment on here and wager what you think it'll be???

TEN DAYS LEFT!!!!

2009-10-06T13:59:00.001-05:00

YIPPEEEE!!!!

2 WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!!

2009-10-02T16:54:00.000-05:00

UNTIL OUR NEWEST LITTLE BUGGER SHOWS HIM/HERSELF!!!! WOO HOOOOO!!!!

We're actually going to LEAVE!!!

2009-09-28T20:10:00.002-05:00

We've been talking about going out of town for a weekend - just the two of us - for about a year now. We have never left our kids overnight before. So it is T-I-M-E. Especially before baby #3 comes along!

Well... it's booked! YIPPEEEE!!!!

Right after our anniversary in early November, we're going to a new bed & breakfast that's about 15 minutes away from downtown Branson, MO. It's a GORGEOUS place that's on 20 acres of wooded hillsides. And get this: we'll be staying in their nicest suite - the BRIDAL SUITE!

Guess we don't have to worry about getting me pregnant that weekend, do we??? LOL!!

At any rate, I am SO ready for this. I can't wait to have quiet one-on-one time with Tim. I miss the times when we could go out for a leisurely evening (without planning it out 2 weeks ahead of time, so we have a sitter, etc, etc). We're gonna sleep LATE and be as lazy as we possibly can be! This is SO my idea of a good time!!!!

Countdown update....

2009-09-27T07:43:00.001-05:00

2 WEEKS, 5 DAYS!!!!!

Sickness, sickness, GO AWAY!!!!

2009-09-24T16:54:00.000-05:00

And don't ever ever come back!!!!

I had a cold a few weeks ago. Then a few days after that went away I developed acute bronchitis which is STILL not all the way gone. I now have pleurisy (inflammation of the tissue surrounding the lungs) which makes me feel like someone has a vice-grip on my chest.

NOW I feel like the mucus is building up again, to where it was when I got the bronchitis in the first place! (sorry, gross, I know) GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just had to get that off my chest. If I weren't pregnant I would just load up on all the drugs available. But since I am pregnant, I'm just being choosy about what I put in my body. I took a z-pack for the infection (in case it was bacterial) and I've been taking Mucinex DM to control the cough a little bit. Other than that, I've got nothin'.

It's beginning to get me down. I just want to feel healthy again. Even though I've been assured that the baby is fine, it still freaks me out to be this sick for this long while pregnant. I feel like if I'm suffering then my poor darling child must also be suffering somehow.

OK.... pity party over for now... but I reserve the right to pick up where I left off later on! ;-)

Countdown to the big u/s continues...

2009-09-22T09:54:00.001-05:00

3 weeks, 3 days to go!
The End. ;-)

My prediction....

2009-09-21T10:56:00.002-05:00

...OK, for some reason I have decided this baby is a BOY. I don't know why; I just do.

Granted, I was dead wrong with Evan and Ally. I swore Evan was a girl and I swore just as much that Ally was a boy. But maybe my prediction skills have improved since then, right??? LOL

If it's a boy, it'll be wonderful because then Ally will be the lone princess in the house - and she LOVES being the princess... believe me. ;-) And another boy would be SO much fun for Evan. He's continually told me that he's having a baby brother. hee! hee!

If it's a girl, it'll be wonderful because then Ally will have another girl to play with that's sort of close to her age. And I'll get use out of all of Ally's darling hand-me-down's.

*SIGH* Let the countdown continue. We now have 3 weeks & 4 days until we find out which way the balance of power will shift in the household. WHO WILL WIN? BOYS? OR GIRLS? (cue tense music) LOL!!

OK, maybe I'm a little bit of a liar (LOL)

2009-09-17T17:47:00.002-05:00

...I said I don't care what this baby is. But I *DO* care!!! I just want to KNOW, one way or the other! As people who know me realize, I am truly the most impatient human being on Planet Earth. I need to know NOW! I want to start planning the nursery... I adore decorating my kids' rooms!

So this is a short post, because the oven's beeping, so I gotta run!

NT Scan today

2009-09-08T17:07:00.004-05:00

I had a nuchal scan done at the hospital this afternoon, to check for the likelihood of certain chromosomal anomalies. Luckily, at least from what they could see, everything looks perfect! They'll call me in a week with blood test results, letting me know my chances of having a baby with Down's.

I don't care how many times I've done this: babies are a MIRACLE. Just a miracle. I was transfixed while watching our newest miracle on the screen. What a magnificent gift from God. I feel SO incredibly blessed, I can't even find the words to express it.

The specialist at the hospital said that he'd like to see me again at 18 weeks. He said he'll do more measurements at that point, and also let us know the gender of the baby!! So.... on October 16, we'll know which color to paint the baby's room! Yippeee!!!

The ultrasound tech said it looked a little like it MIGHT possibly be a girl. But there is certainly no definitive answer at only 12 weeks.

I've already got the blessing of each gender. So, boy OR girl: I don't care. I want a healthy, happy baby to love.

Let's face it - having a girl is FUN!

2009-08-28T19:54:00.004-05:00

The other day, when Evan was at preschool, Ally and I ran to the store to get some fall/winter clothes for them. I got her a new headband with a bow on it, that (of course) she loved.

I put it on her as soon as we got home. Then she immediately cries out, "TUTU! TUTU!!!". A girl needs to accessorize, ya' know. LOL!

So I put her 'ballerina tutu' (as we refer to it) on her, and LORD that girl looked darling! She got all hammy and wanted me to take her picture - she NEVER wants me to take her picture! So I was all over it. Above are her poses for Mama.

Let's face it: girls are freaking FUN sometimes!!! :-)

Thank you, Modern Medicine...

2009-08-25T20:38:00.004-05:00

Well, I've now been BACK on Lexapro for several days and I already feel a difference. Like I can breathe again. Like I can COPE again. Like I can be a civilized human being again.

The anxiety & depression hit me like a ton of bricks again, and I knew I had to do something about it... and fast. I had weaned myself off of Lexapro right when I got my first positive pregnancy test (I weaned myself over the course of a couple of weeks). I really wanted to NOT be on it while pregnant, if possible.

However, reality knocked on the door - well, POUNDED THE DOOR DOWN, is more like it. My kids, my husband, my poor unborn child and I were all suffering badly. I know that severe maternal anxiety can cause developmental issues with the fetus. And Lord knows I would never forgive myself if I caused some severe disability for my child.

So here I am, medicated.

At first, I felt like a complete failure for not being able to go without the meds. I was down on myself & basically hated myself for a little while there.

Then a friend of mine said something that changed my mind. She said, "Jodi, if you're a diabetic, you don't stop taking your insulin, do you? Why should this be any different? If you need it - TAKE IT."

I took that to heart, and now I couldn't be happier that I made the decision to go back on the meds. Clearly I need them. Does this make me a weak person or someone who is "less than" in some way? Hell no. It makes me someone who recognizes that I, like everyone else, have issues. And it's up to ME to do something about it.

Who knew?

2009-08-22T20:25:00.002-05:00

That people would buy SO MUCH of my crap?!?!?! I organized a set of garage sales on our street, which took place this morning.

We sold SOOOOOOOOOO much crap, and it feels like Heaven to get rid of it!!! There's only one carload of stuff left, to bring to Goodwill.

We had more books than a library which was a HIT with the shoppers, apparently.

Anyhow, I'm exhausted beyond all comprehension from organizing and running it all. But OH how it was worth it!!! Yippeeee!!!!

(now if I could just convince Tim to let me use some of the profits to get the Kindle I've had my eye on!!!) LOL! NOTE TO SELF: that won't happen. hee hee

What a couple of days...

2009-08-19T20:19:00.002-05:00

OK, so we've had a helluva time the past 2 nights with the kids not sleeping. Two nights ago, here's how it went:

Ally has had an ongoing problem with horrible constipation. Sometimes it gets really bad. Night before last being one of those times.

This is the second time in her life she's done this, but SHE. DIDN'T. SLEEP. HARDLY. AT. ALL.

Put her down for bed at 8pm. She finally went to sleep around 9:30. I went to go to sleep at 11pm. She woke up at 10:55. I went in to her, calmed her and put her back down.

I could NOT go to sleep then. I think it was around midnight when I finally drifted off.

Then at 12:15 she woke again. Tim went in to her, but I was awake and agitated and couldn't go back to sleep. Again.

2am: awake. I go in. Calm her back down, and take forever to go back to sleep.

4am: awake. I go in to her. Try to get her to sleep on my chest (this has worked before). Worked for 15 minutes, then she wouldn't hear of it. Tried to sleep on the floor next to her bed. No luck. Finally gave up at 4:40am.

5:00am: Tim went in to her while I laid in bed cursing like a SAILOR.

About 5:40am: I finally fall asleep.

6:30am: Alarm goes off. Time to get up.

And the thing is, she wasn't fussing/crying at all, the whole time. She would just open & close her door really loudly, where it would wake us up. I didn't want her waking Evan, since the next day was his first day back to preschool, which is why we hurried in to her each time. So I couldn't just let her fuss it out in this case. Besides, I knew she was uncomfortable.

Fast forward to last night:

Ally slept perfectly all night long. EVAN, however, woke us up by crying and yelling at his bedroom door. FOUR TIMES. And why??? Because he had a booger in his nose that we couldn't get out. REALLY, Evan???? REALLY?!?!?! Three Year Old logic - it kills me.

Anyhow, Tim insisted on going to him on 3 of the occasions. But unfortunately, I was still awake. So today I was a MESS. Couldn't WAIT until naptime!

Naptime comes. Ally didn't sleep for ONE SECOND. Which means no nap for sleep deprived Mama, either. I bawled like a baby. My anxiety spiraled out of control, to where I screamed so loud at the kids that my throat is killing me (serves me right, I guess). It didn't help when they were both dancing on the glass-top coffee table, despite my repeated attempts to get them to stop... and then when I yelled at them, they both laughed their heads off at me!!!!

That sent me off the deep end. I put them in their rooms (for their safety) and called Tim to cry and vent.

Luckily, I somehow made it to the end of the day. Ally is (thank God) asleep. And although Evan's not asleep, he's at least in bed.

Let's pray for a better night tonight and a better day tomorrow!!!!

Evan's 1st day back to preschool

2009-08-18T16:42:00.002-05:00

Well, Little Man is back at preschool. And I think it took him all of 5 minutes to get back in the swing of things! He had a GREAT morning, although he was a little bummed that 3 of his little buddies from last school year are no longer in his class (they've moved on to pre-K).

When he got in the car to go home, he said, "I missed you, Mama! I missed you, Ally! I missed Daddy, too! I love you, Mama!". OMG - really???? Could he BE any cuter?!?!?! SO sweet.

Then later on, he said, "Mama, I learned a LOT at school today!" . I said, "Oh really??? What did you learn?". His answer? "TOYS." LMAO! Man, preschool rocks!!!

Here's a pic of him before walking in to school this morning. He flatly refused to look at me or smile (or take his hand away from his face). Oh well... he's still as darling as can be!

Back to Preschool for Evan tomorrow!

2009-08-17T19:57:00.002-05:00

WOO HOO!!!! Is it wrong that I'm excited about this??? LOL!

It's only for 3 hours each morning, from Monday through Thursday. But it gives Evan some much-needed socialization time with his peers & gives Ally and I much-needed 1-on-1 time.

I can't believe my Baby Girl is going to start preschool next school year! WAH! It's so funny how different your mentality is for your older child and younger child. I guess my grandparents (who raised me) were right when they said even when I grew up they'd always see me as the baby.

I also can't believe my baby is going to be a BIG SISTER! I can't even imagine her not being my youngest. But I know she'll be a little mommy to her baby brother or sister. She's in LOVE with babies.

Evan, on the other hand.... well.... he's going to take a lot more adjustment.

Poor little man. He just does not "do" change. It rocks his world. He hated my guts for a good 2 months after Ally was born; and he was only 18 months old and non-verbal at the time!!! So I can only imagine what grief he's going to give me this time around.

Whenever I hold other people's babies he tells me, "Put the baby DOWN, Mama!".

Oh boy... what have I gotten myself in to??? LOL!

WHEW! What a weekend!!

2009-08-15T21:01:00.003-05:00

Tim took a couple of days off of work at the end of this week, so we could have some family time before Evan goes back to preschool on Tuesday.

I *love* it when he's home, but he's definitely not one to sit around the house - ever!

On Thursday, we got ready early and went to the St. Louis Zoo as soon as it opened. Once we were there we visited the Caribbean Cove stingray exhibit, where you can pet the stingrays. It's always been so crowded when we've gone before that we've never actually gotten to see the exhibit before.

It was really cool, although Evan was too chicken to touch any of them. LOL!

Other than that, we did the normal zoo stuff: seeing the monkeys, giraffes, bears, penguins (Ally's fave), etc. After that we came home for nap time (for ALL of us). Once we got up from naps, we headed back out. This time for Evan's preschool "meet the teachers" fair. Evan got to get reacquainted with his teachers and some of his old friends from last school year. At first he was VERY trepidacious; Evan is NOT a kid who likes any change from what he's accustomed to. And it's been a while since he's been in that environment. But he warmed up after a while, and ended up striking up a conversation with his speech therapist, Miss Katie.

On Friday morning, we headed out (first thing) for The Magic House. The kids ALWAYS love it there. There is so much to do, and no shortage of things to keep them occupied.

Then on Friday afternoon we all went to Chuck E Cheese's, because this was Evan's promised prize for pooping on the potty for the first time several days ago (he hasn't pooped on the potty SINCE then, though - WAH!). HOLY CRAP, that place should come with a warning: if you don't have ADHD when you walk through the doors, you surely will by the time you leave! It was utter mayhem. Noisy, crazy, crowded, etc. They were both too over-stimulated to really know where to begin. But in the end, we found a couple of toddler-friendly games that they could play.

Once we finished up playing at Chuck E Cheese's, we wanted to eat real food (not Chuck's pizza - LOL). So we headed over to O'Charley's - gotta love their Kids Eat Free menu!!! Then headed home after that.

All of these things are fun. But GEEZ LOUISE, there's only so much excitement a girl in her first trimester can handle! I was BEYOND exhausted & begged Tim to have an around-the-house day today (Saturday). So we actually got some things done that needed to be done.

It was so incredibly sweet of Tim to take the time to make sure he spends quality time with the kids. He's such an AMAZINGLY involved and caring father. I often think of how lucky our kids are to have him as a father; of course, he's all they've every known so they don't know any different. Having come from a VERRRRRRY different type of upbringing than my kids have, I think it makes me appreciate him all the more. I feel like my kids have won the Daddy Lottery.

8 weeks 3 days - ultrasound

2009-08-13T20:22:00.002-05:00

Well, I went in for my 8 week 3 day ultrasound a couple of days ago, and it went GREAT!!! Baby's heart rate was measuring at 180 - WOAH! SOMEONE was doing their work-out that morning (hint: not me! LOL)

Baby was measuring precisely where it should for my due date, which is March 21.

While I was looking at it on the screen, I could clearly see the head and arm & leg buds forming. Unfortunately, the pic I got wasn't that great.

Heeeeeeeere's Baby!

WHO IS ALLY?

2009-08-12T21:05:00.000-05:00

So, who is Ally?

When Ally first arrived in my arms, it was (of course) love at first sight. She was beautiful & perfect.

When we got home from the hospital???? That's another story entirely. She was QUITE unhappy for the first several days home from the hospital. I think she missed Mama's warm belly!

But after a few short days, she began to understand where she was and began to show her true colors. She turned in to a pretty easily calmed baby. She drank more than I've ever seen a baby consume, but she sure was fat & happy! LOL!

When she was a couple months old, I went through a very, very scary period where I had full-blown Post Partum Depression. Thanks to Lexapro, I was able to kick it eventually. It was a very dark time for me, and I'd rather not relive it - even on here.

As she got older, her personality was starting to take shape. She loved watching her big brother play & do his thing. But Heaven forbid she should TOUCH his toys! LOL! Ah... the joy of siblings, right????

She's developed in to a happy-go-lucky, (mostly) care-free, FUNNY girl. She loves to put on her "CHOO CHOO" (tu-tu) and be a "REENA" (ballerina). She loves anything having to do with Dora or Disney Princesses. She loves to sing songs, bounce around, dance & cuddle.

One of her (and my) favorite things is after she takes a nap: she's still groggy and likes to lie down on Mama's belly with her head on my chest, while I stroke her back. It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wonderful and I could do it all day long. My little cuddle bug. I'm dreading the day when my pregnant belly gets too big to do it!!! :-(

WHO IS EVAN?

2009-08-12T20:46:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd do a little "get to know you" of my precious boy, Evan.

Being my first child, Evan is the one that taught me how to be a Mommy. When we first brought him home from the hospital, he was NOT a happy camper. ALWAYS crying. ALWAYS fussy. I was thinking to myself, "Oh My God, what have I gotten myself in to????" LOL!!!

Although the first weeks as a new Mom were rocky to say the least, once we began to get in our own comfort zone, I was able to experience the first moments of pure unadulterated joy with my son. He was my little boxer man. From the moment he came out of the womb, he was swinging that crazy right arm of his. Always moving & squirming - he was Mama's busy boy!

My friends named him Super Baby. He was crawling at 4-1/2 months old and RUNNING at 10 months old. He ran circles around other kids his age! My little dynamo!!!! I was so proud.

As Evan began to get a little older, it became pretty apparent to me that something was - different - about my son, though. He very, very rarely smiled (especially not social smiles). He wasn't talking AT ALL, long after his friends were talking. He rarely responded to his name. He never let me cuddle with him. I used to explain away my worries by saying, "He's just my serious boy. He's a THINKER."

After a while it became apparent that there was something else going on. Long story short, I had him evaluated, and it turns out that he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified). Which, according to the neurologist, means he is mildly autistic. I *knew* this in my heart for a while before it was confirmed by the neurologist, so when he was diagnosed, I was actually RELIEVED. This meant we would be able to get early intervention for him at least!!!

We had in-home speech, developmental and occupational therapy for him from 19 months old until he turned 3 and aged out of the program. Developmental therapy focused on more social behaviors, Occupational Therapy focused on sensory & eating issues and Speech Therapy is - well, pretty self-explanatory.

Once he turned 3, he was evaluated by Special School District and qualified to go to a local preschool that is a mixed class. Half of the class is kids with special needs and the other half is typically-developing children. I was THRILLED that he would get this amazing opportunity!!!!

So since he turned 3 at the end of 2008, he's been going there. It has done WONDERS for Evan. He still gets speech and occupational therapy at school, too!

***EVAN TODAY***

Evan today is a mostly happy, very talkative, inquisitive, sneaky, and completely SILLY SILLY boy. He puts me through my paces on a lot of days, but I remind myself that he IS 3-1/2 years old, after all.

MY BACK STORY

2009-08-12T08:03:00.000-05:00

OK, I'm not sure how much my kids will let me sit down to type right now, so this might be done in small spurts of posts. (hee hee)

MY BACK STORY:

Of course all of this started with Tim & I. We met on the Internet back in 1999. It was just after my grandmother who raised me had passed away, and Tim's beloved grandfather had passed away.

We met on a Personals site, but just chatted for a few months and also offered one another support while we were grieving our losses. At the time, I was in another relationship that was over, but we were still living together (don't worry - Tim knew this!), so going out with Tim would have been a little... well... WEIRD. LOL!

Once I was about to move out, Tim & I talked on the phone for the first time. It was clear from the moment we chatted that he was just as genuine, kind & wonderful as he seemed online. So we set up a date!

We first met at a restaurant, to make sure we clicked in-person as well. It went very, very well! Conversation was easy, and I loved his looks! So the next day, we went to the St. Louis Rams playoff game, where they ended up winning the championship!! This was the year they ended up winning the Super Bowl! Nice start to a relationship, eh???

Anyhow, after that, we hung out & went out here and there. I moved out from my ex-boyfriend, and got my own 1-bedroom apartment.

We very quickly ended up spending every spare moment together. I couldn't imagine NOT having him in my life. We always had a blast together. One of "our" places still to this day is a local restaurant called CJ Mugg's. We'd go there and order Margaritas and have dinner and chat and hold hands. I remember one night, a server came up to us & said, "You know, I don't think I've ever seen 2 people who were more clearly in love!". And she was right.

So from there, one thing led to another and we got engaged on Feb. 19, 2001. We did all the planning ourselves and it was AMAZING. We had our reception at a main hall at the St. Louis Zoo & it was breathtaking and awesome. We took our honeymoon at DisneyWorld & immediately loved it there!

***FAST FORWARD A FEW YEARS***

We knew we wanted to start a family, so I excitedly began taking prenatal vitamins and reading all kinds of books and of course, well... trying. LOL!

Just a couple of short months later, we were overjoyed to learn we were expecting our FIRST CHILD!!! I went to the doctor, had a blood draw & awaited the results. I assumed since I had a positive pregnancy test, that I WOULD have a baby - right????

They called me back the next day and said the numbers were quite low, but we'd just see where they went from here. They did another draw. After that, they went up but not quite as much as they expected. I ignorantly thought it would be OK, though. After a 3rd blood draw they told me there was very little chance this would be a viable pregnancy. I was crushed beyond anything I could imagine. How could this be???? It was my first pregnancy!

We watched the HCG numbers for a while after that and when it became clear that they weren't doubling at all, my doctor gave me the option of letting nature take it's course or scheduling a D&C. Tim & I went home, cried our eyes out for a couple of days, and decided on a D&C with a heavy heart. On the day of the D&C, when they had me in a hospital gown on a stretcher, Tim started to cry. I had never seen him cry before that.

Once I had physically recovered from the D&C, I was eager to try again. But mainly, I was terrified. What if I could never have a baby? What if something was wrong with the baby if we did? Would I keep having miscarriages? Could I handle that again????

***ANOTHER CHANCE***

To our great surprise, we got pregnant the first time we tried after the miscarriage! I was, of course, happy - but also terrified. But after a few good blood draws, things were looking up! I was so thrilled!! We were going to be parents after all! Then after 41 long weeks, our first child was welcomed in to the world. Evan. Our precious son. I've never been more proud & overjoyed than when I first held him in my arms.

***AGAIN?????***

So, when Evan turned 7 months old, we decided we'd "start" to try for a second child. I thought it should take at least a few months. So we figured we had time to wrap our heads around the idea of a second child. Ummmm... nope! First try, and BAM! Pregnant! I was FLOORED. Even though it had happened quickly for us in the past, I have never taken it for granted. I know anything can happen on the road to trying to conceive. Well, apparently not this time! I was in shock for a few weeks after I found out (they'd be a little less than 17 months apart!!!). But once I got used to the idea, I was OVER THE MOON. Then on April 24, our perfect princess, Ally, arrived to charm her way in to our lives. And believe me, she IS a charmer!!!

After having one child of each gender, I thought surely we were done having children. And for a while, I was OK with that. Considering how overwhelmed I was at first, and having endured Post Partum Depression after having Ally, I just didn't think another child was in the cards for us.

***BUT....***

After me prodding him for information, Tim finally admitted that he would love to have just one more child. At first, I didn't know how to react. I was pretty surprised that he felt that way. But after mulling it over for a few months, something in me clicked and I just KNEW that I wanted one more child as well. I shared this with Tim, and he was of course on board with the idea.

So now we found ourselves on the crazy Trying To Conceive journey again. I started on prenatal vitamins & powered up my fertility monitor.

HOLY COW! On the first try - again - I found myself pregnant! What are the odds of this happening so quickly again???? Since I just had 2 healthy babies/pregancies in a row, I had no doubt this one would be fine too.

Sadly, after many many confusing blood draws and my body doing very, very strange things we realized we were going to have to endure another loss. I wept & wept until I didn't have any tears left. We had a D&C, and I mourned the loss of another angel. I was beside myself. My doctor offered to run some tests at that point but I refused and said, "No, let's just try again and see what happens".

****TRYING AGAIN***

After a couple of months, we started trying again. And a couple of months later, we were pregnant again. YAY!!!! I didn't think there was any way in HECK that I'd lose ANOTHER one - right???? No WAY, Jose. I *felt* more pregnant this time. This was different. This was IT. I KNEW it.

Wrong.

We ended up losing that pregnancy early on as well.

This was more than my mind could process. HOW could this be???? WHY could this be???? What did I do wrong???? What's wrong with me???? I dove in to my own head for a while, and was beginning to act out my internal frustrations on others. I was taking out my internalized anger on my poor children and husband: the very people who support & love me.

***FOUND LIKE-MINDED WOMEN WHO I LOVE***

After being at the darkest place I've been since I had Post Partum Depression, I turned to the Internet for support. I found the American Pregnancy Association discussion forums. There were ladies who were trying to conceive, and ladies who were trying to conceive after having loss(es). I especially connected with a few ladies from the Trying To Conceive After Pregnancy Loss section.

They offered love, understanding, support and care that I hadn't found elsewhere. They were the ones who took me by the hand and pulled me out of the deep waters of depression. I never knew that Internet friends could be as true of friends as anyone I've ever met in person - but believe me... they ARE.

These ladies are honest, sincere, kind and wonderful. I'm so blessed to have them as a part of my life.

***LET'S TRY THIS ONE. MORE. TIME.***

So after a couple more months of recovery from my third loss, my doctor ran a battery of tests to try & figure out a reason for the recurrent losses. Not much was found, except that I apparently have Homozygous MTHFR, which is a genetic mutation that keeps the body from properly metabolizing folic acid. I was also borderline for a clotting disorder. So my doctor put me on Folgard (a super-charged folic acid supplement) & said once I conceived he'd put me on baby aspirin & Lovenox injections (blood thinners) to give me a higher likelihood of maintaining a pregnancy.

After a few rocky months of trying, I was pissed off at my body. All the miscarriages had really thrown my cycles for a loop & I just knew we had to do something about it. I tracked my ovulation dates for a few months and reported them to my doctor. He put me on Clomid to help make me ovulate sooner. And BAM! It did!!!

***TESTING DAY***

So I was only 8 days past ovulation. WAAAAAY to early to test normally. But me being me (crazy impatient) went ahead & tested anyway. HOLY CRAP! Is that a teeny tiny faint second line I see???????

The next day I peed on a stick again, and WOWZA! Yep, that's a second line alright! I was THRILLED!!!!

But T-E-R-R-I-F-E-D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So off to the doctor I went. First blood draw was a good starting number, but the first number doesn't mean much so we wait & see.

Second blood draw looks great, but I'm still not convinced. I'm still not sleeping at night. I'm still afraid beyond belief. Third blood draw is good. OK.... I guess I'm beginning to feel a LITTLE better.

Fourth blood draw is STILL good. Is that angels I hear singing???? YIPPEE!!!

So then we saw that precious, precious heartbeat a little while later.

Thank You, God. Thank You, God. Thank You, God. This is all I can think to myself.

***WHEW! So that's my whole story in a tiny nutshell up to this point. From here, I'll just be blogging about my day-to-day happenings (not always very exciting, I know!). If you've made it this far in reading then CONGRATULATIONS! LOL!***

2009-08-12T07:53:00.000-05:00

I have my 8 week "pregnancy confirmation" (their term for the appointment) check-up today, and my THIRD ultrasound already!

I'm looking forward to seeing our little miracle again today. Seeing how much it's grown already is still a wonder to me - no matter how many times I've done this before. I'll post a pic from the u/s once I get back from my appointment.

At this point, I'm still feeling QUITE nauseous a lot of the time. But I'm chalking that up to normal morning (or all day - LOL) sickness & the extra progesterone supplements. Other than that, I just feel the normal 1st trimester tiredness. I'm trying not to complain about it too much, though. This is what I asked for after all, right?

Well, here I am!

2009-08-12T07:46:00.000-05:00

I am now 8 weeks 3 days pregnant with our 3rd child. I figured it's about time that I got my thoughts down on virtual paper before the madness (and joy!) of having 3 children 4 and under begins!!!