Trying to hang in there

I'm 35 weeks 5 days today. SOOOOO close, yet so far away. I'm at that point of pregnancy where emotions run painfully high, and reason has gone out the window.

Had my 36 week check-up/ultrasound/NST yesterday. Emily's still measuring small: 25th percentile. By far, she's been my smallest child. I wish her size translated in to my being more comfortable, but it doesn't. The good news is that her heartrate is good, my fluid levels are good and the NST was good!!!

So, I mentioned to Dr. Super that I would prefer to be in the hospital over a weekend if possible when I get induced. Besides the fact that it will mean I'll have more help from Tim at home if we do that, I have some real concerns about childcare (long, drawn-out explanation that I won't get in to). And if we do it over a weekend, I would have more eyes to watch the kids. He said, "Don't worry, Jodi... we'll make it happen." And the tentative plan when I left the office was to induce on Friday, March 12. I was SOOOOO relieved and was on Cloud 9!

So then he calls me several hours later and says he's only on call on Mondays in March. So that's my only option for induction if I want Dr. Super to be the one delivering Emily (I do). So now, instead of having 10 working days of help at home with Tim, I'll be looking at 6-7 days of help. THAT SUCKS.... no way around it. I swear, people think when you have subsequent children you need less help, because you know how to care for an infant.

WRONG.

Having another child didn't magically make me sprout a second set of hands or clone myself. I have a lot more to do now. I'm not complaining per se; this *IS* what I wanted!!! But I would like some extra support at first, while I'm recovering from delivery & adjusting to our "new normal".

Sadly, my mom and mother-in-law aren't much help. They can't get down and play with Evan & Ally. They groan whenever they have to lean over to change their diapers, climb in bed to read them books, or change their clothes.

And put simply, Tim is the breadwinner. So he needs to get back to work in a decent amount of time. I totally understand that. When he's home, he is the MOST hands-on Dad ever. He plays with his children, he cares WELL for his children and is fantastic. But it's not fair to him to ask too much of him while he's trying to put food on the table, either. He can't be all things to all people. I'm very blessed to have him.

I'm mainly just stressing out about every little thing these days.

I'm having trouble sleeping well, I tire out very easily and the kids (rightfully so) need a LOT of me. The thought of being pregnant for 3-1/2 more weeks makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I'm not naive enough to believe it'll be any EASIER when Emily's here. It will be much, much more difficult to function on a lot less sleep. I'll be sore. I'll be completely hormonal (moreso than now). But there's something about just KNOWING that she's here and we can start to carve out a new sense of normalcy that gives me some peace. Even if it's complete chaos at first (and it will be)... I'll know we're actively moving on a path to being a complete family that's already had their last child, and we can create a new sense of who we are as a family. I don't even know if any of this rambling makes any sense, but there you have it.

I'm ready to have my baby girl, hold her, love her & cuddle her. I'm ready as I'll ever be for the sleepless nights, the long crying spells (hers and mine - LOL!) & everything else that having a newborn entails.

I'm just eager to SEE her, smell her, stroke her petal-soft cheek & be entranced by her tiny, perfect fingers and toes. I'm so incredibly blessed to be having another healthy child. That's the bottom line that I need to keep reminding myself of. Hormones are running high, though.

Pray for us!