In a better place now...

Well, the kids are (back) on the road to recovery. And I'm getting to a better place, mentally, for now.

I've trained my brain to count down the last 2 weeks before this baby makes her arrival and I think it's just enough time. I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore, but I also know this is my final pregnancy so I keep reminding myself to ENJOY & CHERISH it as much as possible while I still can. This is the last 2 weeks of my life that I'll ever feel a life inside of me. So even though I can't really sleep, sit, stand, walk or eat comfortably (LOL!!!), I still cherish this angel inside of my belly so very, very much. She is a miracle.

Hopefully Evan will have a full 4-day school week this week so we can have some semblance of normalcy for a short while.

Oh, and I'm also glad I'm having the baby when I am (on Mar 15) because it means Tim will be home while Evan's off of school for Spring Break the following week! That worked out SO well. This way, the 'big kids' can go out and do some fun stuff with Daddy that week instead of being cooped up in the house with Mama and Baby Sister.

SOOOOOOOOO burned out

Sorry, it seems a lot of my posts have been rather on the negative side lately.

I'm still struggling with this funk I've been in. Add the fact that I live in a Germ Cesspool apparently, and you've got a recipe for disaster.

I don't understand - I keep a pretty clean household. We wash hands. We cover our mouths when we sneeze and cough (well, the kids do sometimes). And yet, someone has been ill in this house almost 100% of the time that I've been pregnant. When I'm not struggling to get myself well, I'm taking care of someone else who's sick. I can't take it any more! ENOUGH!!!! This has been the most hellish cold/flu season ever.

I'm longing for warmer weather. For fresh air. To go out in the backyard and let the kids play and run. We're all completely in the Winter Doldrums & we all need a change of scenery. I feel terrible that I haven't taken the kids many places to play outside of the house in a while. But someone's always sick, darn it! I can't bring a sick kid to a public place or a kid's house to play. And I can't bring them both somewhere when I'm sick either. What gives????

WHEW. Sorry... had to get all of that off my chest.

On a completely stupid but happy note, I just ordered myself a brand new diaper bag that R-O-C-K-S. I needed a serious pick-me-up & a new bag will always do it for me! LOL! Tim's eyes are going to roll back so far in his head they might just fall out. Ha! Ha! He just doesn't understand how some women love their bags.

I don't wear fancy clothes, I don't wear fancy shoes, I'm not a fancy person. But I *love* a good, nice bag! It's my vice, what can I say? ;-)

On to happy baby thoughts: Emily will be here in 2 weeks and 2-1/2 days!!!!!!! I can't wait to have several days of having Daddy home while we all enjoy our newest blessing! I have a feeling Ally's going to be a pretty clingy girl for a while after Miss Emily arrives, though. Ally is Mama's Girl & she isn't terribly fond of sharing me. But she also ADORES babies, so I'm hoping that will help a little tiny bit! I'm hopeful that Evan will handle it OK... he's a little older now, and I'm hoping he won't see the baby as too much competition.

For some reason, I've had this secret feeling that Emily will be my one baby who decides to come all on her own before the induction. Maybe that's just wishful thinking. But I've just had a nagging suspicion. Although if she did come spontaneously, it would be NUTS to get someone over here right away to take care of the kids. So actually, induction's a great option in our case.

37 week check-up

Well, technically, I'm 36 weeks 4 days today. But the appointment was considered my 37 weeker.

They didn't measure her size during the ultrasound, so I guess since they're not concerned about it then I won't be either! My fluid levels were great and her heart rate was wonderful, too!

I'm barely 1 cm dilated right now, which is normal and fine. Nothing to write home about, but you gotta start somewhere!

Looks like the induction will be scheduled for Monday, March 15. I'll be 39 weeks 1 day at that point. They're very confident that my cervix will be favorable by that time. I think it will be too, since I was induced at 38 weeks 4 days with Ally & it was smooth sailing. At 36 weeks with Ally, I was 1cm dilated so this time seems to be about on par.

Ally is so funny: a little while ago, she was pushing on my belly & starting at my belly button while yelling, "She's comin' out, Mama! She's comin' out!!" LOL! Somehow she's decided the baby will emerge from my belly button... hee hee! Then this morning, she lifted my shirt, shined a flashlight into my belly button & said, "Awwww, what a cute little baby!". That girl cracks me up.

I'm extremely tired, but that's to be expected. Last night I had the biggest emotional meltdown I've had in a LOOOOOOOOONG time. I flew off the handle and was bawling like a baby. Not really even sure why, except that the kids kept making messes faster than I could clean them up all day long and I was BEYOND exhausted. Luckily, Tim was home from work at the time of my meltdown so he ordered me to our room to chill out while he took care of dinner clean-up and the kids.

So we're at 2 weeks 4 days to go! In 'normal people' time that's NO TIME AT ALL! In pregnant people time, it might as well be 2 decades from now. But in the big picture, I know she'll be here soon and I couldn't be more excited to meet our newest miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trying to hang in there

I'm 35 weeks 5 days today. SOOOOO close, yet so far away. I'm at that point of pregnancy where emotions run painfully high, and reason has gone out the window.

Had my 36 week check-up/ultrasound/NST yesterday. Emily's still measuring small: 25th percentile. By far, she's been my smallest child. I wish her size translated in to my being more comfortable, but it doesn't. The good news is that her heartrate is good, my fluid levels are good and the NST was good!!!

So, I mentioned to Dr. Super that I would prefer to be in the hospital over a weekend if possible when I get induced. Besides the fact that it will mean I'll have more help from Tim at home if we do that, I have some real concerns about childcare (long, drawn-out explanation that I won't get in to). And if we do it over a weekend, I would have more eyes to watch the kids. He said, "Don't worry, Jodi... we'll make it happen." And the tentative plan when I left the office was to induce on Friday, March 12. I was SOOOOO relieved and was on Cloud 9!

So then he calls me several hours later and says he's only on call on Mondays in March. So that's my only option for induction if I want Dr. Super to be the one delivering Emily (I do). So now, instead of having 10 working days of help at home with Tim, I'll be looking at 6-7 days of help. THAT SUCKS.... no way around it. I swear, people think when you have subsequent children you need less help, because you know how to care for an infant.

WRONG.

Having another child didn't magically make me sprout a second set of hands or clone myself. I have a lot more to do now. I'm not complaining per se; this *IS* what I wanted!!! But I would like some extra support at first, while I'm recovering from delivery & adjusting to our "new normal".

Sadly, my mom and mother-in-law aren't much help. They can't get down and play with Evan & Ally. They groan whenever they have to lean over to change their diapers, climb in bed to read them books, or change their clothes.

And put simply, Tim is the breadwinner. So he needs to get back to work in a decent amount of time. I totally understand that. When he's home, he is the MOST hands-on Dad ever. He plays with his children, he cares WELL for his children and is fantastic. But it's not fair to him to ask too much of him while he's trying to put food on the table, either. He can't be all things to all people. I'm very blessed to have him.

I'm mainly just stressing out about every little thing these days.

I'm having trouble sleeping well, I tire out very easily and the kids (rightfully so) need a LOT of me. The thought of being pregnant for 3-1/2 more weeks makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I'm not naive enough to believe it'll be any EASIER when Emily's here. It will be much, much more difficult to function on a lot less sleep. I'll be sore. I'll be completely hormonal (moreso than now). But there's something about just KNOWING that she's here and we can start to carve out a new sense of normalcy that gives me some peace. Even if it's complete chaos at first (and it will be)... I'll know we're actively moving on a path to being a complete family that's already had their last child, and we can create a new sense of who we are as a family. I don't even know if any of this rambling makes any sense, but there you have it.

I'm ready to have my baby girl, hold her, love her & cuddle her. I'm ready as I'll ever be for the sleepless nights, the long crying spells (hers and mine - LOL!) & everything else that having a newborn entails.

I'm just eager to SEE her, smell her, stroke her petal-soft cheek & be entranced by her tiny, perfect fingers and toes. I'm so incredibly blessed to be having another healthy child. That's the bottom line that I need to keep reminding myself of. Hormones are running high, though.

Pray for us!